“Express yourself, don’t repress yourself.” - Madonna and the Human Nature Columnist

In case you missed it, read Part 1 and Part 2 here.

After I retired, “Goddess Beth,” the name had yet to retire me. The egocentric persona continued after I penned an opinion column, “Human Nature.”

With a nod to Madonna’s song, Human Nature, the column was a space for freedom of expression. Nothing was taboo. Controversial subjects ranged from serious to silly. 

Now, what happens when you take a closeted writer, slap her with a self-absorbed title, boost a jaded profile, morph into the philosophical “hear me roar” phase, and then award her 500+ words a week to write whatever the F@#$ she wants?

Letters of complaint, mostly. TONS of nasty looks. LOTS of assumptions. Regardless, 100 students surveyed in 2001 voted “Human Nature” as the second most popular column. Right behind “Goddess Beth,” voted number one.

Though I considered myself a “super serious” writer at that time, there were tell-tales of the writer I evolved into—a magnet for the “Madness.” 

Sidebar!

In 2000, the hot-button debate on campus was whether or not to permit the campus police to carry guns. The majority of students, and some faculty, were against it. The campus police and surrounding town precincts were for it.

Plymouth, New Hampshire, was a quiet, sleepy town where people left their doors unlocked overnight. It was so peaceful that my friend Russ experienced a culture shock when he initially moved there. 

Russ grew up in Paterson, New Jersey. Paterson’s crime rate is 92% higher than the other cities and towns in the state. After his cousin Katibu matriculated, Russ considered doing the same.  

Russ rode the bus from Paterson to Plymouth. The White Mountains were a completely different world than the inner city.  

Russ got off the bus in front of Samaha’s, a local general store that sold beer, tobacco and, bongs. Everything a growing college kid needs.  

Russ searched for Katibu, but he was nowhere. A car full of inner-city youth flew around the corner and shouted at him. Russ turned and walked in the opposite direction. 

Though the car was full of black guys, they were the ONLY car full of black guys in the entire town! 

Katibu was unable to pick up Russ himself, so he asked his friends to do so. Russ was already on the bus. Since this occurred before people carried cell phones, there was no way to communicate the change in plans. The guys laughed their asses off when they saw Russ walk away. 

Though they were from the inner-city themselves, they were just like the rest of the college students, who were there to chill, study, and play video games. At Plymouth State, it didn’t matter if you were from the city, suburbs or, the sticks. We were all the same. 

After they finally caught up to Russ and cleared up the confusion, Russ realized he wasn’t “in Kansas anymore.” He was safe to let his guard down. Four years later, he graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Management. 

The student news team had plenty of coverage on the gun story. Even the majority of the other columnists chimed in with their two cents. I, on the other hand, avoided the subject like Covid19. 

For an “in your face” writer, that choice seemed out of character. Despite readers asking for my opinion, I declined to comment until the current editor-in-chief approached me directly.  

“People listen to you,” DJ said. “They want to know what you think. So do I.” 

That was the problem. 

It’s one thing to be a smartass when limited to theoretical entertainment. It’s quite another when you realize that words have meaning, with real consequences. Consequences that may wind up in your backyard, for better or for worse. 

I agreed to move forward with the column under one condition—I conduct independent research. DJ helped me set up interviews with all the prominent people like the dean of the college and the town selectman.

Each meeting was informative. However, the interview I was primarily interested in was with the face of the pro-gun argument—the chief of the campus police, Chief Clark. 

When I contacted the department, I was immediately transferred to his office. To my surprise, Chief Clark knew who I was. He welcomed the opportunity and our interview was promptly scheduled. 

Stay tuned for the final installment, “The Clock Part 4: Pen vs. Sword”

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